Eight Weeks To Go!!

Eight weeks to go!

So one of my girlfriends started her blog today so I figured I should finally start writing in mine lol. I’m going to try to be completely honest and not hold anything back with my blogs lol nothing really new there.  So here goes!!

We have eight weeks till out big vaca and I’m super excited and absolutely terrified. I’m also starting to stress about my work outs (or lack thereof is probably better) the fact that I haven’t lost the 10lbs yet and I’m already freaking about packing lol. {Yup def a mom}

It’s obvious why I’m super excited; I mean it is Disney world for pete sake!! Second time my hubby will be going and first for the kiddies (my ninth I think). I’m really excited to see the kids there especially Lil Dude; I have been molding him into a Disney nut like I since before he was born (as with Lil Karen).

So I’m sure your asking why I’m terrified, well the fact is, I’ve NEVER EVER EVER been to Disney without my mother, The whole reason I planned this trip was in memory of her and now the idea of her not being there is really starting to get to me. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I haven’t really grieved yet either.  I just keep pushing it away hoping and praying that one day the pain will just be gone or I’ll finally wake up from this nightmare and it will all have been just another bad dream. Now I’m not delusional I know that will never happen, at least not until I see those pearly gates and meet her again in heaven standing there with all my loved ones who have gone before me.  All of my memories of Disney are with my mother; if I wasn’t there with her I was there with my Grandparents but I don’t have any memories of that, just pictures. I guess what I’m really terrified about is I’m gonna get to Disney and not be able to stop crying, I have pretty much refused to cry since her death; a little bit will squeeze out from time to time and I just suck all back down deep inside, which I think is finally getting harder and harder to do. Starting to read my bible more, I know God will guide me out of this black hole…